For many of us, alone time is one of those things we tend to take the least intentional approach to. Some even dread the thought of alone time- it can be difficult or even downright upsetting. Alone time may not be something that you instantly learn to love but it is important to at minimum be at peace with these stretches of time. Some alone time is unavoidable. If we must do it- we may as well work to enjoy the ride. If we try to avoid these times- what are we saying to ourselves?
So think, why is alone time hard for YOU? Don't know what to do? Feel bored? Feel anxious? It's okay to like being around others, but needing others to enjoy any of life's moments silently communicates that YOU aren't worth the experience of peace or joy. On the flipside- alone time may be something you cherish. Either way- the past two years ‘alone time’s definition may have shifted for you and it might be time for a refresh on your intentions and routine.
Date Yourself with Self Care
Go Slow and make it a date! Thinking of alone time as a date with yourself as opposed to a stretch of time without anyone to do anything with is a perspective shift that may take work but ultimately communicates that YOU are someone worthy of a rejuvenating experience. For a date-what would you do? Get ready! You don't have to dress up but you can set yourself up the way you might before a date. Maybe it’s your favorite PJs and PG movies or maybe it’s a sexy night alone with your favorite sex toy! Whatever your nice date is, do it!
But What if I Dont Know What To Do?
Do things you have to do anyway. Your ‘Have Tos’ done to some nice music and by choice as opposed to by necessity can be a nice self care task. What feels better than a clean sink, folded blankets, a vacuumed rug, and a lit candle? Self care doesn’t always mean face masks, sometimes it means tidying up your space on the outside so you can feel a bit more organized on the inside.
Set Cozy Vibes
One way to either enhance an already enjoyable experience or help ease yourself into alone time is to focus on the sensory experience of where you are. Make yourself a comfy space, wherever that is. With Family life, physical space can be hard to come by so it’s okay to get creative. Is your bed your sanctuary? Couch? Got a Luxurious Robe? Heck, even coffee in a warm car in a parking lot will work for practicing sitting with moments of alone time.
You don't have to think
One worry of more alone time than we are used to is being alone with our thoughts. Of course we all want to be at peace with our own thoughts and it’s a healthy goal if doing so is hard for you, but it’s also okay to give yourself a break. Sometimes we get so caught up in being perfect or healed that we don't give ourselves enough time to just be. Let yourself be your present you. Sit with her and do something she enjoys, because she’s worth doing that just as she is. So do any activity you enjoy! Like movies? Go alone! Listen to the music YOU like on the way there. Get your favorite snack, settle back, and get lost in the experience.
But if not thinking is not your thing…
At least be aware of your thoughts - are they focused on what's going on "outside" in your life or are you allowing yourself to focus on the moment at hand? Whenever you notice your thoughts drifting, acknowledge the thought as a brief visitor and allow it to go on its way by reengaging back in the sensory experience. Often times that voice we use with just ourselves has a tone- she can be critical or harsher than one we’d use on say…a date! Use your date voice with yourself if you do notice thinking. Practice kindness, patience, playfulness with yourself in your alone time. Whether you look forward to alone time or feel uneasy at the idea, working to improve your relationship with ourselves during this time might just help you get to know yourself a bit better.